Translate:
Brian Armstrong is best known for launching Coinbase, a platform that somehow managed to make cryptocurrency feel as safe as a game of poker in a dive bar. His hairline's retreat could rival a Bitcoin crash, and he still thinks dressing like a tech villain will distract from his company's shaky compliance with regulations. With a net worth of $11 billion, he’s proof that you can lose your woke employees, your shame, and your grip on reality and still get obscenely rich selling magic internet coins to people who proudly call themselves “degenerates.”